Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Commuting Cyclist Speeds Past Drivers, Rescues Motorist

Submitted by Suzi Burns, tolerant spouse

[Herndon, VA] - On Monday, August 4th motorists driving home on Rt. 29 in Northern Virginia witnessed an almost superhuman feat of strength and endurance. As their vehicles crept forward toward their homes at turtle speed, a man in white ( aren't all heroes dressed in white? ) and blue dashed by them on their right, pedaling his bike faster than their gas-guzzling yuppie-mobiles were driving.

Who was this crazy person? How can he go so fast? How far is he riding? Where is he storing his laptop? Is that a Blackberry hanging out of the back of his jersey? Does he have Starbucks in those water bottles? Does he wear that silly outfit all day long in meetings?

So many questions, yet no way to have them answered, as this cyclist sped past them...his legs pumping faster than their fists to the beat of the hip hop of 99.5 that was blaring on their car radios.

Suddenly however, the tempo of this elite executive cyclist came to a halt. Blocking his way was a dead car and a distraught, overweight driver. Seeing help on the horizon coming toward him on a bike, this driver requested help moving his car off the road and out of danger.

Never one to shrink from helping those in need, and also having firsthand experience of the dangers of the road ( see blog on Road Rash and Lessons Learned ), our cyclist hero chucked his clips aside and, in the true spirit of helping his fellow man, dug his feet ( literally) into the blacktop and , using the immense upper body strength that all elite cyclist have, pushed the SUV ( ok, it was a small Toyota commuter, but SUV sounds better ) to the side of the road and away from harm.

"Thank you, Spandex man", said the helpless driver. "No problem," our cyclist hero replied, as he rode off toward home with lightning speed.

The AAA tow truck pulled up, as the dust of an orange and black Orbea road bike settled on the SUV/small Toyota commuter. " Who was that guy? " the fat tow truck driver asked?

" I don't know," said the weary and thankful commuter, " but I'll tell you this..... I will never try to scare the shit out of a road biker again."

They looked off into the distance where our skinny hero was disappearing into the sunset and nodded in agreement.


As Avid Cyclist man coasted into his driveway ( 20 minutes faster than if he had driven ), his dogs and children came out to greet him. He walked inside the house,visited with his wife and watched while she cooked the evening meal.

He ate everything in the pantry, fridge and fruit bowl, polished off the orange juice and soymilk (right from the carton) and cracked open a beer. Then, after breathing, he asked what was for dinner.

As she set the table and he partially undressed in the kitchen, carefully laying sweaty socks, jersey and blackberry on the counter ( much to the annoyance of his lovely wife, btw ), he relayed his story of superhuman strength and speed to her.

He also revealed to her, in very dramatic fashion, that he was injured in this act of kindness, for as he was pushing the Monster Truck ( things always get bigger as you tell the story over and over and over ),barefoot, singlehandedly , in the rain.... uphill.......he managed to get blisters the size of Delaware on the bottom of his feet.

After the appropriate oohing, ahhhhing from every angle and a heartfelt "wow that looks bad, hon",from the wife, they ate.

As he wolfed down his food, his wife got to thinking:
Oddly enough, he could ride his bike at lighting speed, push cars out of harm's way, and conduct a conference call on his blackberry all at the same time.... but once home, it was all he could do to walk. And hanging a shelf? Why how could one hang a shelf with a blister on his foot?

It would have to wait until tomorrow.

As she watched him sleep that night, a bottle of advil standing vigil over him on the nightstand, she thought to herself, "yes, I am married to a super hero all right : Incredibly Tired Man."

And as he dreamt of podium wins and fancy bikes, she went downstairs to toss his jersey and bibs into the washer for the next day's cycling adventure.


At August 5, 2008 at 10:53 PM , Blogger Bryan Burns said...

geesh! see what happens when I come home, check email and fall asleep early? I'd change "tolerant" to "supportive".

At August 5, 2008 at 10:57 PM , Blogger Bryan Burns said...

Hey Terry! Now we are a dynamic duo! Racee Retardo and Incredibly Tired Man!

At August 7, 2009 at 10:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha Good Morning Read



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home